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A Safari Sunrise |
It didn't happen quite like that. Things are still pretty mushy. Life is still a bit confusing. But, in the mist of the mush I found some solid nuggets of happiness and joy. The most solid nuggets of happiness and joy I have experienced in over six months.
I was overwhelmed and overjoyed by the experience. I know I am still processing all that I saw and experienced. I set out on this journey in the mode of being the good little "christian girl" going on a Missions Trip! I was going to go share God with the people of Kanderia, I was going to go be a blessing to them, I was going to impact someone's life, I, I, I, I......sheesh, when will I ever get over myself!
I had it wrong, God had plans, and, as usual, I was rubbed the wrong way, I was uncomfortable and confused by what my mission really was. I was worried I was missing my big moment. I was afraid I was missing the point. That was the underlying feeling of the week. However, I took each experience with excitement. I watched and pondered. I jumped in and crashed through my comfort zone. I put away my self conscious fears and joined in and interacted with the group I was with and LOVED every one of them, dearly. I enjoyed myself, despite my internal struggles. I loved every minute of it, even when some of those minutes resulted in an allergic reaction that nearly put me down for the count.
I was behind the camera most of the trip. Which was good and bad. I loved the capturing part of it. Being behind the camera allows me to do what I do best. Sit back, and watch. It however kept me at times from interacting. All week I was OK with that until I realized, second to the last day, I hadn't made any of those personal connections. I hadn't held a kid on my hip and kissed them on the forehead. I barely knew some of their names. So, I had a little talk with God on the bus ride into the village that morning. "God, I am feeling disconnected, our time is almost up with these fabulous people and I haven't connected yet. Please allow me just one connection today. Allow me a moment where I know this was all worth it. On a deeper level. This trip has been amazing but if you could allow it to be amazing on a deeper, more personal level, well, that would be good."

I could have spent all day with both of them. I WANTED MORE. I wanted to stay indefinitely and get to know this woman and her child. I wanted to experience life as a Kanderian. I wanted to abandon American living and find this joy and hope that they seem to posses. His little smile was burned into my mind. I wonder if being apart from civilization this mother knows her child is different. I wonder if my smile and laughter made as much of an impact on them as it did on me. It doesn't matter really, they touched my life. They shared God with me. They blessed me. They impacted my life. I knew in that moment, I wasn't there to teach, I was there to be taught. In that moment I was also made aware of other areas in the week that were meaningful. I was looking for something else and in that search I missed some good morsels of lessons. Good moments of connections. Good moments of reassurance that I do have something to offer and I do have so much to learn.
I saw this woman the next day and despite the two times I asked her her name I still am unsure of her first name. But I do know we share a Kanderian name. Achieng. I was happy to know that we had that connection. I asked her that day where the child was, I wished so badly to hold him on my hip and kiss him on his forehead. She said he was at home today. She said it with a tone that made me think maybe she didn't venture out with him very often. (just another assumption on my part) I told her he made my day the day before and that I so wished I could kiss him goodbye. With those words, her eyes grew wide and her smile along with it. She hugged me tight and told me she would never forget me. I was shocked by that, we had only interacted for a short time but I do remember thinking. . . "The feeling is mutual my friend!"
No, I don't know fully or to what extent our meeting is to mean in my life or hers. I don't know yet if there is more to be gleaned from those short moment but I do know; in that moment I vowed to myself I would be back next year. I vowed I would learn more about her next time and hold that boy on my hip and kiss his forehead. I knew I was leaving a part of my heart in Kanderia and I knew I would do all I could do to go back again next year. I was hooked. I was in love. I was blessed.
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Another Safari Sunrise |
This is beautiful. Thank you so much!
ReplyDeleteYou've shared your heart and touched mine once again!
ReplyDeleteMom