Above the clouds
Well, we set off to Cleveland this last Saturday. It all kinda seems a bit dreamy really. It was a quick trip. We flew into Cleveland and we initially thought we would just make it a quiet romantic get away, just the two of us, but, bottom line was, I couldn't get that close to my brother, sister-in-law and the kids without seeing them. So we drove to Pittsburgh that afternoon.
Here we are on the plane, if you're thinking, man she looks tired, its because I was. . . very
I also wanted to take the chance we had and meet the couple that have donated their remaining embryo's to us. So, That evening we met them for dinner. As soon as we landed in Cleveland and the realization of the entire weekend finally set in, I instantly started feeling sick to my stomach, sweaty palms, rapid heart beat. Every time I thought of that initial moment when we met them face to face I sort of felt like I might loose my lunch. I was getting that same feeling you get right before a super important job interview.
However, as soon as we walked into the restaurant those feelings were simply washed away. Yet another indication that we are walking along side God, not in front of Him, or behind Him, but WITH Him. He has been taking care of what we need exactly when we need it. As we greeted each other at the door, once again I felt that connection. I'm not sure what it is or how to explain it but there is a peace, a connection I feel to her. We got to meet her husband and son too, and that peace and connection was extended to them as well. I guess one of the thoughts I had as we sat and talked over dinner is, of course it's a 'connection' God has been preparing for our paths to cross for years now. He designed and orchestrated a lot of moments in a lot of peoples life's to bring us to this very moment. Our connection is God, our peace is knowing that we are right where we are meant to be. Because of our life circumstances that have led us to this moment, we can see past the ordinary and appreciate the extraordinary. It feels like we're friends because we share a friend in God. We are together on a journey that God has orchestrated and that makes us feel like excited children eager to please their father with a job he has entrusted us to do.
When we met in the restaurant that night first off their son handed us a craft he made just for us, I don't have a picture of it now but it currently resides on our refrigerator. Later that night she handed me a small little coin like token. She wanted me to have it and remember the hope in what we were about to embark upon. The love extended by them is beyond amazing to me. I so often get caught up in how all of this makes ME feel. But we got a chance to see that night another perspective of this journey, theirs, and again I feel so blessed to know them and be on the receiving end.
My husband and I both continue to think about is how unusual it is to come across people that are as giving, loving, and accepting as these two are. Their hearts are huge, their perspective is set in alignment with heaven and their arms are wide open, willing to do great, sometimes uncomfortable, big things for the sake of Gods plan. It is encouraging to us both. It is a reminder of what is really important. It is an example of how to live, love and give. We are blessed, and humbled to be on the receiving end of such wonderful people. If we never see them again in our lives, we are so thankful for the opportunity to meet them and rejoice that they are who they are and that because of that we will have the opportunity to 'pay it forward' to our child and to others and raise a child that knows the importance of these qualities.
Its hard really to put into words and explain all the thoughts and feelings that come with a gift like this. This is not your everyday occurrence and being out here in uncharted territory is well, at times, indescribable...
As some of you know, Pittsburgh is my 2nd home, if I wasn't living in Colorado, I'd be there. I have family and friends there that I love dearly. It was a quick trip back but it was nice to be 'home' for a bit. Brad and I were able to go to Grace Community Church and see some old friends and hear my brother speak. We were able to spend the afternoon with him and his family too. We laughed and played with the kids (who said they could grow up so stinkin' fast by the way?), we were able to catch up with my brother and his wife all with in a few hours in the afternoon...yeah, nice trip, quick, but nice.
Snow storm - from the parking lot of the Clinic.
There was talk of a big snow storm coming in so instead of getting up Monday morning and heading back to Cleveland, we decided to play it safe and go back Sunday night instead. The snow storm did hit and we were so thankful we left early, we would have never made it back to Cleveland in time for our appointment if we hadn't.
To be honest, the snow storm was more eventful than our consultation with the Doctor. This is something that would make most people feel good but both my husband an I left feeling like, 'ok, that was way too easy.'. They gave us nothing but positive and good news, they set a timeline in place that was way shorter than we had expected and well, we felt kinda odd about it. You see, we have been hitting road blocks and brick walls for three years now. We have heard, "I'm sorry" and "it's not possible" over and over again for the past three years and to move along smoothly is a feeling we like, but are timid about trusting.
At the Cleveland Clinic before our appointment.
The Doc explained the procedure to us, he got us with a nurse who explained the meds I would be on. Estrogen for the 1st half my my cycle and then shots of progesterone begins the 2nd half of the cycle. We are trying to cultivate a nice, healthy, thick lining of the uterus to allow a good place for the embryos to attach to. (and to that I say, "come on body, don't fail us this time!")
After leaving the Doctors office we stopped off at the big fountain in the entryway and made a few wishes.
We spent the rest of the day just being together. With the snow we were forced to stay in doors but it was nice to be away from the rat race for just a bit and enjoy each others company.
We had dinner together at a Caribbean restaurant
We found this great outdoor shopping center where we went to see the Narnia movie. I thought the tree was beautiful!
So, we are rollin' rollin', rollin' right along. Like being pushed by the wind this journey has been erratic and at times painful but now, my heart is so full of peace and joy. I've found my happiness again, my husband can actually make me laugh now, I had lost my laughter, it doesn't feel forced or fake to me now. The clouds are all gone and I stand in the sun, head tilted upward, basking in the light and it feels good.
As we take each step we pray. Pray for a good response to the medication, we pray for successful thawing of two embryos on the day of transfer, we pray for a successful implant and we pray that pregnancy is achieved. We also pray for protection of our hearts and for fear to not creep in and take a hold. We pray that we will be able to share with others our story in such a way that they find comfort, encouragement and that our little miracle we are living bring others to know the heart of God just a little bit better.