Waiting With Hope

Hope is a funny thing. It has a positive ring to it. People claim that because they were clinging to hope it brought them the outcome they wanted. Hope requires a time of waiting; seconds short or years long.  But, what do you do when your hoping brings you nothing; when your strength to keep hoping is wearing mighty thin and you are sure your grip is about to slip on that very hope?

I came across a song awhile back that I think describes the 'years long' type of hope pretty well. Here are the lyrics the song is at the bottom of this post.

My hope is a two-timing thief in the night
making deals with people I should run from
please don't give him money
or let him call you honey
'cuz he'll love you then leave you lonesome

my hope is a floozy
shes drunk and unruly
dancing on top of the bar
yea, she falls like a hammer
on to glasses that shatter
like broken little pieces of stars

I cant stop.  I cant choose.
I love.  I loose.
clear my head. Clear my sight.
It's a curse.  It's a fight.
Got no cause to believe
But my hope just won't leave
oh, I know I cant win.
I give up.  I give in.

Oh, but fear thunders closer,
He's an angry compose
Armed with a thousand violins.
Yeah, he drowns out the sound
of what I thought I found.
Im a fool, a fool,  'cuz I believed again.

I can't stop.  I can't choose.
I love.  I loose.
clear my head. Clear my sight.
It's a curse.  It's a fight.
Got no cause to believe
But my hope just won't leave
oh, I know I cant win.
I give up.  I give in.

I've been walking down a path in life that has required 'years long' kind of hope.  I consider myself a highly hopeful, believe in it, hope can change everything, kind of gal.  Initially when I heard this song I remember thinking.

 Yes!  That's so true, hope is so powerful but some times it screws you over but despite getting screwed, you can't quit hoping. It's a viscous circle.  You have no cause to believe but hope just will not leave.  Hope is powerful.

I still believe that thought to be true.  When you are hoping for something you really desire, down deep in the roots of who you are, it does feel like a curse and a fight.  You want the longing to stop and go away.  You fill your time and life with other things that will fill the void.  You pray for that one single hope to leave, but it doesn't.  It's buried too deep into your soul. A few days ago however, I had an 'ah-ha' kind of moment in regards to this thought process.  The song speaks of, MY HOPE.  As a Jesus follower shouldn't I be seeking out HIS HOPE (for me)?  My hopes will fail me. His hopes will bring joy, always. But what do I pray for?  How do I pray for him to bring me the hope I've been holding onto without being fearful that the outcome is not what I am expecting.  How do I get past the hurt of past hopes failing and never becoming reality and talk to God about it?  How do I know what he want for me?  I guess I  just wait and 'clear my head, clear my sight' and fix that sight onto the one who's got it all figured out.

Enter stage right. . .the waiting.  Waiting on HIS timing and not MINE is a fight in and of itself.  You are waiting peacefully and then suddenly out of nowhere fear comes in.  The building sound of the violins start and crescendo an eerie vibration and my sight is blurred and my head is full of chatter telling me to take back the control. This is the time, despite it seeming as if it is the worse time, to really let go. Falling into the hand of God during a fear-filled free-fall, is the best release there is.  To truly jump without a parachute, knowing you will fall safely into God's hands is true freedom, true peace. The parachute you built is faulty anyway!

Read Romans 8:24-30
That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us.
But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.
Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans.
He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God.
That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.
God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son. The Son stands first in the line of humanity he restored. We see the original and intended shape of our lives there in him.
After God made that decision of what his children should be like, he followed it up by calling people by name. After he called them by name, he set them on a solid basis with himself. And then, after getting them established, he stayed with them to the end, gloriously completing what he had begun.

So, what you're saying is... Waiting causes our hope to grow like an expectant mother.  And when that waiting has done us in and we think we cannot go any further He is there to help us along?  Hallelujah!! 
If you don't know what to pray for that's OK, He does?  Hallelujah!!
God has called me by name, he set me beside him and is helping me become established and promises to stay with me until I am complete?  Hallelujah!!

What a relief,

I will wait.









(I might fail at times.)


I will clear my head and reset my sights.










(I will get distracted at times.)

BUT. . .

I MUST REMEMBER.
The waiting will not diminish me.
It will only cause my joy to grow with expectancy.
He is with me every moment I wait.
He listens to my heart when my head and lips have nothing to say.

My 'years long' hoping may be coming to an end soon. ..maybe not.  I do know God's got this and my prayer most of the time is to delight and be joyful in whatever it is that he brings me.