So this last weekend I went to see Soul Surfer with a few friends. I found it touching, moving, inspiring and I believe, I even heard God speak to me during the movie. After our miscarriage life has seemed pretty cloudy, I've felt pretty lost, and filtering through it all has been difficult. Early on, it was tempting to turn my back on God. I entertained thoughts of ending the pursuit and just living this life my own way. Quite honestly, I can remember sitting here at my desk and looking down at my arm with it's huge tattoo that reads, "guide me oh thou Great Jehovah." and thinking, "Mandy, you're either gonna have to go get that covered up or decide to live by it." I said last year, that was the point of the tattoo, to be able to look down at it and be reminded daily of who holds my future. I wanted it to remind me to look to Him when those moments when clarity is lacking attack my life and I feel lost. LIttle did I know how greatly I would need that reminder in the last few weeks. I decided to live by it, mostly because I know God has a better plan than anything I could every dream of but I also didn't want to endure the needle again, just yet! ;D
In the movie they make a big point about finding a new perspective. That when you are in the middle of a trial you possibly may not see things clearly because you are too close to the subject. Up close, the picture could be pretty well, not so pretty. However, if you take a step back and gain a different perspective things could look drastically different. Even pretty, good. Beautiful in fact.
The eye balls of the Dragon Fly are not that pleasing at all but take a few steps back, find yourself a new perspective and you will see the Dragon Fly looks beautiful, elegant and much, much better than when you were looking at its ugliness up close.
Perspective changes everything.
Another point that I gained from the movie was, that, when you take your eyes off of YOU and put it onto others your issues and problems usually disappear or at least pale in comparison.
I sat in that movie that day and cried and cried. I could identify with the why asking, I could identify with the confusion, I could identify with trying to understand why bad things happen to good people, but what spoke loudest to me was getting back into life, right away. Don't hide, don't wallow, don't dwell, just move on. No, thats not easy. There was a line in the movie that keeps going over and over in my head. "I don't need easy, I just need possible." It's not easy, but it is possible. Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through him who gives me strength."
The main character, after having her arm bit off by a shark, decides to join her youth group in a missions trip. This was her way of gaining a little perspective. While there she narrorates something along the lines about little did she know she would find her perspective/peace in helping a young boy over come his fear of the water. That's when it hit me. I need to go serve. I need to get out of my everyday life, join in a mission and go serve somewhere and show Gods love to others. I need to give a smile, a hug, a laugh, and I knew in that instant that I would find perspective in that. I knew I would find healing.
This verse has come to mind a few times after seeing the movie as well. Matthew 25: 42-43 I was hungry and you fed me. I was thirsty and you gave me a drink. I was homeless and you gave me a room. I was shivering and you gave me clothes. I was sick and you stopped to visit. I was in prison and you came to me. (The Message) It doesn't matter the reasons why you choose to serve, it doesn't matter the path that brought you to where you realized the need to serve, what matters is you want to and you do. Right? God just reminds us of this, "Whenever you refuse to help the least of my brothers and sisters you refuse to help me."
If I can cuddle a child, throw a ball with a kid, help a lady with her house work or whatever it is I am called to do I can know that by serving those people I am serving my God. And look, my own issues are already gone! I have moved on to thinking of others and serving them with my time and talents and now I can easily leave the details of my future in Gods hands, where it belongs!
Maybe it is time to stop focusing on becoming pregnant and start focusing on something else, serving others, serving God....